The Many Deaths of a TF2 Noob

Short post today as I am recovering some mysterious illness. I suspect poisoning by one of my many enemies.

My name is Karl Cross and I have an addiction to being slaughtered in a virtual realm of cartoonish mayhem and violence known as Team Fortress 2. I’m not doing it on purpose you understand; for whatever reason I seem to lack the required dexterity, tactical foresight and understanding of optimal load-outs to actually rise above “barely adequate” as a TF2 player. Attempting to reflect rockets leaves me staring at my own gloriously gory gibs far more often than I’d like and headshots are depressingly far and few between.

For those of you yet to fall under TF2’S beguiling spell (and those who are wondering “what is this game? And why is this strange man babbling about it?), Team Fortress 2 is a multiplayer first-person-shooter developed by Valve Corporation featuring nine distinct classes, an impressive variety of game modes and maps, a wealth of content including, perhaps most controversially of all, hats. Released in 2007, it’s since gone free-to-play and, if Valve’s statistics are anything to go by, is more popular than ever, despite some generally well-meant grumbling from TF2 veterans.

Below are a selection of my more tasteful post-mortem screenshots and the heartless murdering monsters  talented players that expedited my many inevitable demises.

Death and Sparkles

Pyro + Sentry = Inglorious Death

Ludicrous Gibs

Well at least someone’s happy.

A head on attack may not have been the wisest decision.

My evil twin, the handsome rogue.

Reasons to play Pyro; Mutually Assured Destruction.

Fiery doom.


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